TEST DRIVE: BMW 528i M Sport

Ever since BMW introduced their new tagline, ‘Joy is BMW’ my eyebrows have never quite straightened out properly. I don’t understand why they got rid of ‘The Ultimate Driving Machine’ which was brilliant, descriptive and accurate representation of their products.

 I wondered if I don’t get the new tagline, would it mean that I would not get their new cars either? It was a genuinely worrying prospect for a car nut, even one that prefers Stuttgart to Munich.

I still do get BMW cars but I still don’t get the tagline, in fact I get the tagline even less after driving their cars.
The 528i Sport that we are featuring this week is a perfect example of my confusion because, the F10 five series is really a much better driver’s car than the model that it replaces and at the same time it is no better than the predecessor as a passenger car.

The only seat worth sitting on in the five series is the driver’s seat because the car’s is so beautifully tuned for driving that it is like a delicate surgeon’s scalpel that allows the driver to cut milimetre-perfect lines around corners.
The steering is fast but not nervous, it is accurate but not too demanding of the driver and the overall ride comfort is really quite good.

Some people complain that the steering on the 5-series is too talkative but that really depends on whether the driver feels like having a good conversation because it tells a complete story of what the tyre is doing.

On a brisk weekend drive, the car is telepathic in the way it reacts to driver input and this is made possible by the ultra rigid body.

Point and it goes, make a correction and it complies and all the while telling the driver exactly the level of grip available at each corner.

If you have a chatty friend you will know that there are times when we just want to sit back and enjoy some quiet and the F10 is not really good at that, every bump is felt through the wheel and every camber tugs at your attention.

This can make it a rather tiring car to drive long distance, especially is the driver is not used to and has no desire to be in charge of a car that is focused tightly on the driver.

Personally I don’t really mind the conversation because over the years I have developed a way of ignoring most of the chatter with nods and strategically placed hum and cluck and picking up when it gets interesting. Actually anyone who is married long enough has the same skill.

However even masters at ignoring idle chatter can tell you that you can only do it for so long, after a certain time you are sucked into the conversation.
What I am saying is that the 528i Sport will not really allow the driver to slink back and just drive it without passion, it will tease and cajole the driver into pushing it hard. And most people will be suckered in.
The 528i Sport is packed with nice kit, like ConnectDrive, a high-end in car entertainment system, loads of safety features and high quality materials all around but over the weekend I genuinely failed to notice them, preferring to gently caress the steering wheel and that funky banana-shaped shifter.
I tried sitting in the front passenger seat but it felt uncomfortable, not because there is anything wrong with the leather-upholstered seat but because I cannot bear to stay away from the steering.
The rear seats though, are a different story. They are too aggressively shaped to be good for slow commutes to the office. If the driver is gunning the car then you would appreciate the side supports and the hunched-in seating position but on daily commutes, the seats don’t feel quite right.
And because of this, I think Joy is BMW is really not appropriate for this car, it is the ultimate driving machine, still.

In conclusion I  want to touch a little bit on the styling of the F10. From day one, it looked a tad plain to my eyes, especially after the eagle eyes and drama of the predecessor but after a day of rudely staring at it from odd and even angles, there is a lot to like about the car.

The details of the F10, from those rear light ribbons to the beautifully sculpted flanks and perfect stance gives the eyes so many places to flit and glide to.
However I do wish that they had given the face a bit more character though, Make no mistake, it is a quintessential BMW face but I do long for the drama of the predecessor.

After a weekend with the car, I find myself even more perplexed why the marketing gurus in Munich thinks that this is mere joy. Oh well, it is just a tagline.